In these past weeks, I had some regrets tangling in my mind, and it’s all about J.
If I did things differently, would he still stay? If I did things differently, would he be in love with me? If I did things differently, would his lust can turn to love? If I did things differently, would everything will not end up like now?
I have no idea but I secretly wished to have a second chance with J to do all things differently, but….
Right after my sunny holiday to Gili that I thought could overcome my broken heart becoz of him, and I thought could made me moved on but failed, I got an insight when I was waiting for boarding time at Lombok airport. I got into a bookstore and saw a book with title “Dont U forget about me” by Alexandra Potter. I thought at that moment, this book can change the way I think about what I have been through now. To mend my broken heart. Turned out, it is..
Maybe I am not kind of girl who gets inspired by the biography of Hillary Clinton or Barrack Obama or Margaret Thatcher, but indeed this simple book of chicklit can moved me. I am that simple maybe, simple yet shallow. ;p
Reading this book, my tangling regrets get answered perfectly. No matter how u did things differently, the result will be the same. When thing might go back to the first place all over again, the story might goes differently, but the result, in the end might be still the same. Its not how I did it, its not how if I did things differently, its the final result, its all about in the end I am not meant to be with J. Its all about he is not the man I could be end up with.
Now I get it. Sometimes I have to see something from a different side. I was always wish I never met him at the first place, but turned out thats not the point. From that book I got all answers for all my uneasy matters. Its not the person I met that matter, but what I had to go through with him that matter. Dont ever wish to erase a history or a person in a history of your life coz its all that make u become the person u are now.
So if I have a second chance, erase and rewind, I believe the final result will be the same, so I dont think I need to rerun the same page all over again just to get through a different story with the same ending. I choose to move forward to another phase of my life, the next chapter with a different cast. Life is too short to dwell in the same problem over and over again. Life is to moving forward and not stopped at the same point.
Wise men say, if its meant to be, its meant to be, and u cant runaway from it. If he is the person that meant to be with u, no matter how far u run away from him, no matter how he try to avoid being with u, in the end, he will be back to u, and u will be back to him. And no mistakes can take him away from u.
Now, I can let him go from my heart and n head, with no regret and no grudge I keep inside my heart. He just passed by my way, crossed my path and thats it, now I say goodbye…
Au revoir J.. Wish u have a good life… 🙂 It just nice to meet u…